The Middle Wife

Thanks to mi madre for sending this to me via email. It's hilarious. As a marketing major, I really like the part about the Domino's guy. Enjoy.




> The 'Middle Wife' by an
> Anonymous 2nd grade teacher
>
> I've been teaching now for
> about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I
> know is the one I saw in my own second grade
> classroom a few years back.
>
> When I was a kid, I loved
> show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It
> helps them get over shyness and usually,
> show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet
> turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they
> catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place
> any boundaries or limitations on them. If they
> want to lug it in to school and talk about it,
> they're welcome.
>
> Well, one day this little girl,
> Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and
> waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow
> stuffed under her sweater.
>
> She holds up a snapshot of an
> infant. 'This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you
> about his birthday'
>
> 'First, Mom and Dad made him as
> a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach,
> and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months
> through an umbrella cord.'
>
> She's standing there with her
> hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my
> camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in
> amazement..
>
> 'Then, about two Saturdays ago,
> my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!' Erica puts a
> hand behind her back and groans. 'She walked
> around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!'
> (Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and
> groaning.)
>
> 'My Dad called the middle wife.
> She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car
> like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down
> in bed like this.' (Then Erica lies down with her
> back against the wall.)
>
> 'And then, pop! My Mom had this
> bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just
> blew up and spilled all over the bed, like
> psshhheew!' (This kid has her legs spread with her
> little hands miming water flowing away. It was too
> much!)
>
> 'Then the middle wife starts
> saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe. They started counting, but
> never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden,
> out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky
> stuff that they all said it was from Mom's
> play-center, (placenta) so there must be a lot of
> toys inside there.'
>
> Then Erica stood up, took a big
> theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I'm sure I applauded the
> loudest. Ever since then, when it's show-and-tell
> day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another
> 'Middle Wife' comes along..